Friday (er, Thursday)

Well it's Friday again (Thursday for those of you who aren't me) and a new weekend dawns! :)

With most of the CD going into the mixing phase, my mind is wandering more and more towards the real meat and potatoes of it all, the marketing! That's right folks, gone are the days when the music and the bands mattered, at least in the technology using parts of the world.

These days most people have 180 gig iPods and put all kinds of music they like on it. They don't give a shit so much about knowing who the band is or anything like that. I can't say as I blame them though. Decades of shitty, plastic music will do that to people. The music industry, methinks, is the only industry that rewards mediocrity.

Fortunately I have been blessed with a vision and a perspective that will restore balance to the universe and bring everlasting peace to the people of planet earth...

Well, that may be a bit grandiose. Maybe. :)

Greatest Hits Update

Recording for the Greatest Hits album is almost finished!

For the rest of October I'm going to be focusing on the CD artwork and website. I'll be getting back to final recording and mixing in November. We're shooting for a December 1st-ish official launch (emphasis on the ish) so keep your panties in a knot till then. :)

Furious Ming has contributed some drumwork already for the song Believe and is working on a couple other pieces at the moment.

More updates as soon as they are available!

Butthead Fire Drinker

This guy probably started out thinking he was cool, but how quickly the tide can change....

Fire Drinker (sort of)

Let's Get Physical

Here's a video clip of a new workout routine. I'm not sure what it's called but it's supposed to be a really effective workout. Perhaps they should call it the ass to mouth workout. haha

Ass to Mouth Workout Regimen

Facebook Study

According to British researchers, it's hard to make close friends on Facebook.

Read the article here.

This study found that social networking sites like Facebook aren't creating many close friendships, but are creating 'plenty of meaningless ones'.

I can see that because personally I don't think an email only interaction qualifies as a relationship, at least not in the sense of a true friendship. To be fair though, what constitutes a meaningful relationship is completely relative and different for many folks.

That being said, the internet is really just a reflection of society in general. If a certain tendency, behaviour, attitude, movement, business, sexual kink, school of thought etc. exists in our society, then it exists on the internet.

This includes relationships. It would make sense to me that if we are seeing an increase of what some might describe as 'meaningless' friendships or relationships, then our society outside of the computer is also conducive to us creating these equally meaningless relationships. If it's not an increase and simply is part of human nature, then we, as people, have a tendency to create frivolous friendships which is magnified through the general anonymity of the internet. Either way it's all good cuz it's just us.

Put another way, social networking tools like Facebook don't create meaningless relationships, people do. :)

You Tube: Pedro Edition

I've started a You Tube channel featuring videos of me fuckin' around on the guitar for those of you who want to see that. The permanent link is listed on the left of the screen under Other Webamables. Or you can just click here.

Enjoy! :)

The Demon Inside

Here's a little video of me playing the intro to "The Demon Inside", a song on the upcoming CD. Baby Ibanez practice amp and guitar provided by Super P.

America the beautiful (and stupid)

* Warning: Watching this video may actually hurt your brain.

This girl is as pretty as can be and that's why she was in the Miss Teen USA pageant. Below is a video of her answer as to why 1/5 Americans can't find the United States on a map. I know she's just a teenager and may have been nervous, but if you can figure what the fuck she's saying, you deserve a cookie. Enjoy!

Superbad is super bad

I saw the movie Superbad last night with my friend Bicky. I should have known better than to brave this little show, especially when the rest of the audience looked like they were 12 and were carrying skateboards.

The first 5 minutes were kinda funny because I wasn't expecting such low brow, puberty age humour. But 87 boner jokes and 10 minutes into the movie my initial surprise turned to sheer boredom. If there ever was a movie that should come with a mute button. Superbad's painfully unfunniness completely dwarfs it's occassional funniness.

In fairness I did get a good laugh a few times, mostly at the subtle humour of Cern's character and the cops were for the most part amusing. But boy did Superbad ever make me pay dearly for those laughs. In retrospect, it wasn't worth it. I'm just glad that Bicky had free tickets.

I read the critic reviews and the critics all love it, assuring me that they must be on a payroll somewhere. And so I am bestowing upon Superbad the very first zero out of 5 stars I've ever handed out. That in itself is impressive.

The Return

Wow, it's been so long since I posted on my blog. When I logged back in this morning the landlord was beginning to put up some 'Condemned' signs and there were squatters and heroin addicts living in it.

I've whisked them all away (except the heroin people, it must be hard to find a place to relax when you're all strung out on the mighty horse).

Just wanted to announce that the Greatest Band In The Universe project is about halfway done. So far we have three songs completely finished, two more in the vocal recording stage, and two more that need lyrics and a melody. More about this project later as even I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do with it yet.

Peace out. Next time I'll share with you how to find your life's purpose in about 10 minutes, as well as scare up some funny pictures for your viewing pleasure.

I'll take 'with' makeup for $500 Alex

Here's Katherine Heigl with and without the benefit of makeup, lighting and apparantly hundreds of photoshop people.

Best...Self-Piledriver...Ever.

Toby Keith (The Asshole American)

That is all.

Ok, not quite all. :)

Here's Toby rockin' out a big G chord
with a capo, apparently brought to you by Ford

Toby Keith is another one of these country singer dickheads with no personality of his own, so his people tried to give him a street tough image. So lame. Toby basically makes lots of loot writing drinking jingles for the right wing redneck crowd. He could write a song called I'm a Big American Asshole, and his fans would not only buy it with pride, but somehow think it was a way of supporting the troops.

Here's Toby sporting a mullet before his marketing people
gave him that fake tough guy Skynyrd reject image

I like the song As Good As I Once Was, I must say. Even though the title is a direct rip off of the famous Ronnie Hawkins saying. The biggest reason I dislike Toby Keith is because of his hypocrisy as a recording artist. He wrote a song about the Dixie Chicks when they were in all that hot water over that comment they made about George Bush. At his concerts, Toby used to have a big banner that showed the Dixie Chicks with Saddam Hussein and shit like that. For all the 'America the Free' horseshit he claims to be so proud of, he really yellow bellied out when a fellow artist spoke her mind.

For this, Toby is not a real artist and he can eat shit and die, courtesy of the red, white and yours truly.

Bitchfight: MTV Edtition

Apparantly, MTV is doing everything it can to try to avoid a confrontation between Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel at the upcoming MTV Movie Awards. Cameron and Jessica are the former and current girlfriends of N'sync shithead Justin Timberlake, the douchebag who seriously thinks he "brought sexy back".

MTV is worried that if the two losers ladies meet on the red carpet, there could be an eye scratching, hair pulling, "he's my man" style bitchfight.

In my humble opinion, MTV should use this lame drama to bring even more attention to their stupid awards show and arrange it so that these two ditz's end up on stage together "by accident". MTV staff could be planted to egg both of them on, and before you know it we would be sitting back enjoying a pathetic, but wild and super funny girlfight. Not only would this send the Godzilla vs. Cross-eyed Bambi (Rosie O'Donnell vs. Hasselback) feud to the back of the news line, it would become the youtube event of the year (well, the week. Ok, the day).

Oh while they're fighting, MTV should flash this picture on the big screen.

Oopsy Daisy

Miss USA does her best version of the self atomic drop at the Miss Universe Pageant in Mexico.

Humour, H20 style

This one from my friend H20. Enjoy!

Jim was in BIG trouble.

He forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, his wife was really angry and threw him out. She told him "tomorrow morning, I expect to see something in the driveway that goes from 0-250 in 6 seconds and IT BETTER BE THERE if you want to be allowed back!!"

The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window. Sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Jim has been missing since Friday.

Mary Kate Olsen Scares Me

Mary Kate Olsen took time out from scaring the children signing autographs for her Full House fan base to promote her addition to the cast of Showtime's popular dark comedy, Weeds.

Now, I'm not saying that Mary Kate isn't a great actress (actually I am) but the real magic here will be in the editing department, where editors will have to somehow manage to split-second splice the footage between when she gets the 'munchies', and when she runs off right afterwards to puke.

New Laws: Cat Fight Edition

Tv show The View has to change its name to "Rosie O'Donnell Makes Elisabeth Hasselbeck Cry"

Click here for their latest on air scrap

Also, Barbara Walters must punch Elisabeth in the face with her frail old lady fist every time she utters the words 'support our troops' and Jesus in the same sentence.

* * *

Avril Lavigne and Hilary Duff have to start a girl band called Bitchfight.

Wherever they play, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton show up drunk and start hitting on Avril's and Hilary's boyfriends in plain view of the band during the concert. It could be called the "Oh No You Di'int Tour" and aired live on pay per view for $75 per show. Somebody get Don King on the line, I think we have a winner here... :)

Correction - THIS is the craziest headline ever

Man sleeps through gunshot to the head

Craziest News Headline Ever

Cyclist OK after delivery truck runs over head

New Laws (Hollywood Edition)

1. Elijah Wood has to be a hobbit in every movie he makes for the rest of his life.

2. Keannu Reeves has to do at least one scene per movie as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

3. Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek have to appear together in a new movie at least once per month, where they make out for at least 5 minutes.

4. Samuel L. Jackson must star in every movie from here on in until he retires.

5. Ben Affleck must die within the first 5 minutes of every movie he ever makes. In every third movie, this death must come from a devastating boot to the groin area.

6. Steven Speilberg has to direct a Jurassic Park sequel every 2 years, minimum, and like it.

7. Superman must accidentally eat a bowl of Kryptonite soup and either develop an extreme case of irritable bowel syndrome, or grow massive breasts.

8. Hugh Jackman must legally change his name to Huge "Ass" Ackman, and also have plastic surgery to give him Wolverine sideburns forever.

9. Britney Spears must name her baby Shithead (the redneck equivalent of Apple) - credit to Bill Maher for this one

10. Morgan Freeman must always play God, or the President, or the President of the God.

11. Tom Hanks must act every movie like he's Forrest Gump, and must name his next child Lieutenant Dan.

12. No more commercials at the theatre. This will be replaced a 5 minute clip of Carmen Electra playfully running (in slow motion) in a gentle rain, wearing only white undergarments.

13. Zakk Wylde must be featured on every movie soundtrack from here to the end of time.

14. No more rappers in movies.

15. Bruce Willis must change the name of his final Die Hard film to "Die Hard: Die Already".

That's all for now. If you have any new laws you'd like to see in the movies, please let me know and I'll post 'em for ya.

Dental Hero

A West Palm Beach man, Roger Bean, was arrested for practicing dentistry out of his house without a license.

Regardless, neighbors and clients praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.

Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal. "He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."

Source

This must be embarrassing for 'licensed' dentists. Really exposes the high priced tooth mason nature of their profession, even though they like to think of themselves as doctors. I hope Mr. Bean isn't punished too severely for helping people but I'm sure the ego wounded dental community would like to see him made an example of.

Is Rock & Roll Dead?

Aging redneck-anthem singer Toby Keith announced in a somber voice at his press conference recently that Rock & Roll is dead, but that country remains what it was. He is, sadly, part right. The truth is that mainstream Rock & Roll has been murdered.

Murdered primarily by the corporations (who took over the lion's share of the record labels around the time the CD format came out) and by the broadcasting lobby (who got Washington to pass laws that increased the number of radio stations any one entity could own).

A genuine, authentic rock & roll band is the Black Label Society. They, of course, would never had gotten the exposure they currently enjoy if it wasn't for the fact that Zakk Wylde, leader of the Black Label Society, is Ozzy Osbourne's guitar player.

Very occasionally, a band like the BLS slips through the cracks. But for the most part, the new 'rockers' are wimpy, contrived and watered down versions of real rock bands of the past. I'm sorry, but Fall Out Boy is to AC-DC as a gecko is to a T-Rex.

That being said, ol' Toby is more brain damaged from all that Alabama swish that I thought if he really thinks that country hasn't morphed into something beyond all recognition also (see image below).

Many country bands, including Toby himself, have no real image so they try to have this Skynyrd reject redneck image. It's very lame and part of the reason new country music is so uninspired these past couple of years. If it wasn't for Keith Urban, I don't know what 'new country' cover acts all over North America would be playing at their gigs these days.

At any rate, next time I'll look at whether rock is really dead. Have a great day.

Short 'n sweet

The first online sales of Beautiful Illusion came by way of Florida, U.S.A. You know, all that dangling chad bullshit aside, I'm really starting to love Florida. :)

Mike Keneally, Black Label Society (Zakk Wylde's band) and Pablo are my latest Myspace friends.

CD Baby and Beautiful E-llusion

My first full length studio release Beautiful Illusion is available on CD Baby. We're working on making it available on iTunes as well.

The Official Beautiful E-llusion Newsletter also went out this week. If you'd like to sign up for this always free, always amusing, very occasional email, visit my website and click on the newsletter link in the top right hand menu.

Below is the Creative Advisory I legally had to place on the CD due to it's muchly oozing of the creative geniusness. :)