1. Elijah Wood has to be a hobbit in every movie he makes for the rest of his life.
2. Keannu Reeves has to do at least one scene per movie as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
3. Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek have to appear together in a new movie at least once per month, where they make out for at least 5 minutes.
4. Samuel L. Jackson must star in every movie from here on in until he retires.
5. Ben Affleck must die within the first 5 minutes of every movie he ever makes. In every third movie, this death must come from a devastating boot to the groin area.
6. Steven Speilberg has to direct a Jurassic Park sequel every 2 years, minimum, and like it.
7. Superman must accidentally eat a bowl of Kryptonite soup and either develop an extreme case of irritable bowel syndrome, or grow massive breasts.
8. Hugh Jackman must legally change his name to Huge "Ass" Ackman, and also have plastic surgery to give him Wolverine sideburns forever.
9. Britney Spears must name her baby Shithead (the redneck equivalent of Apple) - credit to Bill Maher for this one
10. Morgan Freeman must always play God, or the President, or the President of the God.
11. Tom Hanks must act every movie like he's Forrest Gump, and must name his next child Lieutenant Dan.
12. No more commercials at the theatre. This will be replaced a 5 minute clip of Carmen Electra playfully running (in slow motion) in a gentle rain, wearing only white undergarments.
13. Zakk Wylde must be featured on every movie soundtrack from here to the end of time.
14. No more rappers in movies.
15. Bruce Willis must change the name of his final Die Hard film to "Die Hard: Die Already".
That's all for now. If you have any new laws you'd like to see in the movies, please let me know and I'll post 'em for ya.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
Dental Hero
A West Palm Beach man, Roger Bean, was arrested for practicing dentistry out of his house without a license.
Regardless, neighbors and clients praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.
Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal. "He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."
Source
This must be embarrassing for 'licensed' dentists. Really exposes the high priced tooth mason nature of their profession, even though they like to think of themselves as doctors. I hope Mr. Bean isn't punished too severely for helping people but I'm sure the ego wounded dental community would like to see him made an example of.
Regardless, neighbors and clients praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.
Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal. "He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."
Source
This must be embarrassing for 'licensed' dentists. Really exposes the high priced tooth mason nature of their profession, even though they like to think of themselves as doctors. I hope Mr. Bean isn't punished too severely for helping people but I'm sure the ego wounded dental community would like to see him made an example of.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Is Rock & Roll Dead?
Aging redneck-anthem singer Toby Keith announced in a somber voice at his press conference recently that Rock & Roll is dead, but that country remains what it was. He is, sadly, part right. The truth is that mainstream Rock & Roll has been murdered.
Murdered primarily by the corporations (who took over the lion's share of the record labels around the time the CD format came out) and by the broadcasting lobby (who got Washington to pass laws that increased the number of radio stations any one entity could own).
A genuine, authentic rock & roll band is the Black Label Society. They, of course, would never had gotten the exposure they currently enjoy if it wasn't for the fact that Zakk Wylde, leader of the Black Label Society, is Ozzy Osbourne's guitar player.
Very occasionally, a band like the BLS slips through the cracks. But for the most part, the new 'rockers' are wimpy, contrived and watered down versions of real rock bands of the past. I'm sorry, but Fall Out Boy is to AC-DC as a gecko is to a T-Rex.
That being said, ol' Toby is more brain damaged from all that Alabama swish that I thought if he really thinks that country hasn't morphed into something beyond all recognition also (see image below).
Many country bands, including Toby himself, have no real image so they try to have this Skynyrd reject redneck image. It's very lame and part of the reason new country music is so uninspired these past couple of years. If it wasn't for Keith Urban, I don't know what 'new country' cover acts all over North America would be playing at their gigs these days.
At any rate, next time I'll look at whether rock is really dead. Have a great day.
Murdered primarily by the corporations (who took over the lion's share of the record labels around the time the CD format came out) and by the broadcasting lobby (who got Washington to pass laws that increased the number of radio stations any one entity could own).
A genuine, authentic rock & roll band is the Black Label Society. They, of course, would never had gotten the exposure they currently enjoy if it wasn't for the fact that Zakk Wylde, leader of the Black Label Society, is Ozzy Osbourne's guitar player.
Very occasionally, a band like the BLS slips through the cracks. But for the most part, the new 'rockers' are wimpy, contrived and watered down versions of real rock bands of the past. I'm sorry, but Fall Out Boy is to AC-DC as a gecko is to a T-Rex.
That being said, ol' Toby is more brain damaged from all that Alabama swish that I thought if he really thinks that country hasn't morphed into something beyond all recognition also (see image below).
Many country bands, including Toby himself, have no real image so they try to have this Skynyrd reject redneck image. It's very lame and part of the reason new country music is so uninspired these past couple of years. If it wasn't for Keith Urban, I don't know what 'new country' cover acts all over North America would be playing at their gigs these days.
At any rate, next time I'll look at whether rock is really dead. Have a great day.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Short 'n sweet
The first online sales of Beautiful Illusion came by way of Florida, U.S.A. You know, all that dangling chad bullshit aside, I'm really starting to love Florida. :)
Mike Keneally, Black Label Society (Zakk Wylde's band) and Pablo are my latest Myspace friends.
Mike Keneally, Black Label Society (Zakk Wylde's band) and Pablo are my latest Myspace friends.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
CD Baby and Beautiful E-llusion
My first full length studio release Beautiful Illusion is available on CD Baby. We're working on making it available on iTunes as well.
The Official Beautiful E-llusion Newsletter also went out this week. If you'd like to sign up for this always free, always amusing, very occasional email, visit my website and click on the newsletter link in the top right hand menu.
Below is the Creative Advisory I legally had to place on the CD due to it's muchly oozing of the creative geniusness. :)
The Official Beautiful E-llusion Newsletter also went out this week. If you'd like to sign up for this always free, always amusing, very occasional email, visit my website and click on the newsletter link in the top right hand menu.
Below is the Creative Advisory I legally had to place on the CD due to it's muchly oozing of the creative geniusness. :)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Turtle Love
Near the end of this short clip of Turtle Love, listen to the sound the male turtle is making. Funny stuff! :)
Click Here For Turtle Love
Click Here For Turtle Love
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
The Unveiling
While the site itself is still under construction, the redesign of pedrofernandez.org version 2 is now online! Go see it!
This used to be the home of The Second Coming project. That site (and other tasty treats) will be available from the new site as well. Pedrofernandez.org is going to be the main portfolio site for all my projects, creative and otherwise.
This used to be the home of The Second Coming project. That site (and other tasty treats) will be available from the new site as well. Pedrofernandez.org is going to be the main portfolio site for all my projects, creative and otherwise.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
No Skinny Chicks
Spain has done it again.
In the past year or so, Spain has legalized gay marriage, made husbands responsible for 50% of the housework under the civil marriage contract, and now...underweight models are banned from the catwalk!
Read the CBC Article here
In the past year or so, Spain has legalized gay marriage, made husbands responsible for 50% of the housework under the civil marriage contract, and now...underweight models are banned from the catwalk!
Read the CBC Article here
Monday, September 11, 2006
Third Album Announced
Writing for my third studio release (currently untitled...well, it's actually got a working title but I'm keeping it a secret for now) has begun. In a few weeks I'll be going to J-Rock Studios in Kitchener to lay down some initial rhythm tracks. The mighty Jerome Hummel will be playing drums on these first few tracks which I appreciate greatly.
This is the third and final album in the "Guitar Served Up on a Silver Platter" Series. Those of you waiting for lyrics will have to just keep on waiting for a while. :)
Completely off the top of my head, I'd like to see a December-ish release date for this thing but as of this moment there is no actual set release date. The songs are being written as I go instead of all at once like in the past, so it remains to be seen how this process works out in terms of "gittin' er done and into your hot little hands". Creatively speaking, I'm really enjoying focusing and fleshing out each song one at a time.
Work continues on the newest incarnation of pedrofernandez.org, and that is my main focus for September.
This is the third and final album in the "Guitar Served Up on a Silver Platter" Series. Those of you waiting for lyrics will have to just keep on waiting for a while. :)
Completely off the top of my head, I'd like to see a December-ish release date for this thing but as of this moment there is no actual set release date. The songs are being written as I go instead of all at once like in the past, so it remains to be seen how this process works out in terms of "gittin' er done and into your hot little hands". Creatively speaking, I'm really enjoying focusing and fleshing out each song one at a time.
Work continues on the newest incarnation of pedrofernandez.org, and that is my main focus for September.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Funny Flash Intro
Came across this site today. It has the coolest flash intro/menu display I've seen in some time. Enjoy!
radicalmedia.com
radicalmedia.com
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Joke
A man goes to the doctor and complains of stomach pains. The doctor gives the man an examination and prescribes suppositories for the man to take.
A week later, the man returns and says, "Doc, these things aren't working at all. I don't feel even a little better..." The doctor looks at the prescription and says, "Well, the prescription is correct. Are you sure you're taking them properly?"
The man replies, "Of course. What am I supposed to do? Shove 'em up my ass!??"
If you have a minute and want to help Marillac Place out (Marillac Place is located in Kitchener and provides housing and support services for young pregnant mothers and their children), go to Bell Online, click Kitchener > Vote > Marillac Place (Project #3) and fill out the tiny form. You could win some cool prizes while helping somebody else out.
A week later, the man returns and says, "Doc, these things aren't working at all. I don't feel even a little better..." The doctor looks at the prescription and says, "Well, the prescription is correct. Are you sure you're taking them properly?"
The man replies, "Of course. What am I supposed to do? Shove 'em up my ass!??"
* * *
If you have a minute and want to help Marillac Place out (Marillac Place is located in Kitchener and provides housing and support services for young pregnant mothers and their children), go to Bell Online, click Kitchener > Vote > Marillac Place (Project #3) and fill out the tiny form. You could win some cool prizes while helping somebody else out.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Random
My sister Rosie produces several podcast shows at CBC Radio (CBC - Words At Large) and was listed as a "Hot Show" by Collectik, a popular podcast website.
A friend of mine forwarded this website to me, as an example of super crappy web design. I must say, I quite agree with him! :)
A friend of mine forwarded this website to me, as an example of super crappy web design. I must say, I quite agree with him! :)
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Houston, we have an Error
Error has released it's first official CD entitled Vile Religion, featuring yours truly on the lead guitar. The music of Error is quite different than anything in my mp3 collection, but it was a lot of fun doing the recordings and hearing the final version. For information on how to get your own copy, send an email to El Luce Studio.
Shown here is the band's logo:
Shown here is the band's logo:
Monday, August 21, 2006
Grim sby
Pissy weather aside, the gig in Grimsby this past weekend went over really well. It was fun to spend some time with the Co, the Broadband Broadcast and the Grand Potato again.
Bead brought me back this amazingly evil-funny T-shirt from the Sturgis biker rally two weeks ago. I'll have to scan it in so you can all see. Below is an artist's rendition of me at Bead's pool party last Friday.
Bead brought me back this amazingly evil-funny T-shirt from the Sturgis biker rally two weeks ago. I'll have to scan it in so you can all see. Below is an artist's rendition of me at Bead's pool party last Friday.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Summer update
Greetings all,
Long time no write. I hope everyone's having as great a summer as I am! :)
I've spent way too much time looking for a new apartment but it was worth it. The place I'm moving into is amazing. Can't wait to move in finally. The next couple of weeks will see me organizing my stuff (throwing tons of crap out).
Doing a gig with Les this weekend. It's a street party out Brampton way so with any luck we'll get some nice weather.
Some graphic design gigs on the go are a business card for a friend of mine, and we're going to be doing a website for my buddy Jesse, who recently started his own general contracting business (HumzzConstruction.com.
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
Peace out.
Long time no write. I hope everyone's having as great a summer as I am! :)
I've spent way too much time looking for a new apartment but it was worth it. The place I'm moving into is amazing. Can't wait to move in finally. The next couple of weeks will see me organizing my stuff (throwing tons of crap out).
Doing a gig with Les this weekend. It's a street party out Brampton way so with any luck we'll get some nice weather.
Some graphic design gigs on the go are a business card for a friend of mine, and we're going to be doing a website for my buddy Jesse, who recently started his own general contracting business (HumzzConstruction.com.
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
Peace out.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
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