Tuesday, June 05, 2007
I'll take 'with' makeup for $500 Alex
Here's Katherine Heigl with and without the benefit of makeup, lighting and apparantly hundreds of photoshop people.
Toby Keith (The Asshole American)
That is all.
Ok, not quite all. :)
Here's Toby rockin' out a big G chord
with a capo, apparently brought to you by Ford
Toby Keith is another one of these country singer dickheads with no personality of his own, so his people tried to give him a street tough image. So lame. Toby basically makes lots of loot writing drinking jingles for the right wing redneck crowd. He could write a song called I'm a Big American Asshole, and his fans would not only buy it with pride, but somehow think it was a way of supporting the troops.
Here's Toby sporting a mullet before his marketing people
gave him that fake tough guy Skynyrd reject image
I like the song As Good As I Once Was, I must say. Even though the title is a direct rip off of the famous Ronnie Hawkins saying. The biggest reason I dislike Toby Keith is because of his hypocrisy as a recording artist. He wrote a song about the Dixie Chicks when they were in all that hot water over that comment they made about George Bush. At his concerts, Toby used to have a big banner that showed the Dixie Chicks with Saddam Hussein and shit like that. For all the 'America the Free' horseshit he claims to be so proud of, he really yellow bellied out when a fellow artist spoke her mind.
For this, Toby is not a real artist and he can eat shit and die, courtesy of the red, white and yours truly.
Ok, not quite all. :)
Here's Toby rockin' out a big G chord
with a capo, apparently brought to you by Ford
Toby Keith is another one of these country singer dickheads with no personality of his own, so his people tried to give him a street tough image. So lame. Toby basically makes lots of loot writing drinking jingles for the right wing redneck crowd. He could write a song called I'm a Big American Asshole, and his fans would not only buy it with pride, but somehow think it was a way of supporting the troops.
Here's Toby sporting a mullet before his marketing people
gave him that fake tough guy Skynyrd reject image
I like the song As Good As I Once Was, I must say. Even though the title is a direct rip off of the famous Ronnie Hawkins saying. The biggest reason I dislike Toby Keith is because of his hypocrisy as a recording artist. He wrote a song about the Dixie Chicks when they were in all that hot water over that comment they made about George Bush. At his concerts, Toby used to have a big banner that showed the Dixie Chicks with Saddam Hussein and shit like that. For all the 'America the Free' horseshit he claims to be so proud of, he really yellow bellied out when a fellow artist spoke her mind.
For this, Toby is not a real artist and he can eat shit and die, courtesy of the red, white and yours truly.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Bitchfight: MTV Edtition
Apparantly, MTV is doing everything it can to try to avoid a confrontation between Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel at the upcoming MTV Movie Awards. Cameron and Jessica are the former and current girlfriends of N'sync shithead Justin Timberlake, the douchebag who seriously thinks he "brought sexy back".
MTV is worried that if the two
In my humble opinion, MTV should use this lame drama to bring even more attention to their stupid awards show and arrange it so that these two ditz's end up on stage together "by accident". MTV staff could be planted to egg both of them on, and before you know it we would be sitting back enjoying a pathetic, but wild and super funny girlfight. Not only would this send the Godzilla vs. Cross-eyed Bambi (Rosie O'Donnell vs. Hasselback) feud to the back of the news line, it would become the youtube event of the year (well, the week. Ok, the day).
Oh while they're fighting, MTV should flash this picture on the big screen.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Oopsy Daisy
Miss USA does her best version of the self atomic drop at the Miss Universe Pageant in Mexico.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Humour, H20 style
This one from my friend H20. Enjoy!
Jim was in BIG trouble.
He forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, his wife was really angry and threw him out. She told him "tomorrow morning, I expect to see something in the driveway that goes from 0-250 in 6 seconds and IT BETTER BE THERE if you want to be allowed back!!"
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window. Sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Jim has been missing since Friday.
Jim was in BIG trouble.
He forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, his wife was really angry and threw him out. She told him "tomorrow morning, I expect to see something in the driveway that goes from 0-250 in 6 seconds and IT BETTER BE THERE if you want to be allowed back!!"
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window. Sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Jim has been missing since Friday.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Mary Kate Olsen Scares Me
Mary Kate Olsen took time out from
Now, I'm not saying that Mary Kate isn't a great actress (actually I am) but the real magic here will be in the editing department, where editors will have to somehow manage to split-second splice the footage between when she gets the 'munchies', and when she runs off right afterwards to puke.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
New Laws: Cat Fight Edition
Tv show The View has to change its name to "Rosie O'Donnell Makes Elisabeth Hasselbeck Cry"
Also, Barbara Walters must punch Elisabeth in the face with her frail old lady fist every time she utters the words 'support our troops' and Jesus in the same sentence.
Avril Lavigne and Hilary Duff have to start a girl band called Bitchfight.
Wherever they play, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton show up drunk and start hitting on Avril's and Hilary's boyfriends in plain view of the band during the concert. It could be called the "Oh No You Di'int Tour" and aired live on pay per view for $75 per show. Somebody get Don King on the line, I think we have a winner here... :)
Also, Barbara Walters must punch Elisabeth in the face with her frail old lady fist every time she utters the words 'support our troops' and Jesus in the same sentence.
* * *
Avril Lavigne and Hilary Duff have to start a girl band called Bitchfight.
Wherever they play, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton show up drunk and start hitting on Avril's and Hilary's boyfriends in plain view of the band during the concert. It could be called the "Oh No You Di'int Tour" and aired live on pay per view for $75 per show. Somebody get Don King on the line, I think we have a winner here... :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
New Laws (Hollywood Edition)
1. Elijah Wood has to be a hobbit in every movie he makes for the rest of his life.
2. Keannu Reeves has to do at least one scene per movie as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
3. Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek have to appear together in a new movie at least once per month, where they make out for at least 5 minutes.
4. Samuel L. Jackson must star in every movie from here on in until he retires.
5. Ben Affleck must die within the first 5 minutes of every movie he ever makes. In every third movie, this death must come from a devastating boot to the groin area.
6. Steven Speilberg has to direct a Jurassic Park sequel every 2 years, minimum, and like it.
7. Superman must accidentally eat a bowl of Kryptonite soup and either develop an extreme case of irritable bowel syndrome, or grow massive breasts.
8. Hugh Jackman must legally change his name to Huge "Ass" Ackman, and also have plastic surgery to give him Wolverine sideburns forever.
9. Britney Spears must name her baby Shithead (the redneck equivalent of Apple) - credit to Bill Maher for this one
10. Morgan Freeman must always play God, or the President, or the President of the God.
11. Tom Hanks must act every movie like he's Forrest Gump, and must name his next child Lieutenant Dan.
12. No more commercials at the theatre. This will be replaced a 5 minute clip of Carmen Electra playfully running (in slow motion) in a gentle rain, wearing only white undergarments.
13. Zakk Wylde must be featured on every movie soundtrack from here to the end of time.
14. No more rappers in movies.
15. Bruce Willis must change the name of his final Die Hard film to "Die Hard: Die Already".
That's all for now. If you have any new laws you'd like to see in the movies, please let me know and I'll post 'em for ya.
2. Keannu Reeves has to do at least one scene per movie as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
3. Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek have to appear together in a new movie at least once per month, where they make out for at least 5 minutes.
4. Samuel L. Jackson must star in every movie from here on in until he retires.
5. Ben Affleck must die within the first 5 minutes of every movie he ever makes. In every third movie, this death must come from a devastating boot to the groin area.
6. Steven Speilberg has to direct a Jurassic Park sequel every 2 years, minimum, and like it.
7. Superman must accidentally eat a bowl of Kryptonite soup and either develop an extreme case of irritable bowel syndrome, or grow massive breasts.
8. Hugh Jackman must legally change his name to Huge "Ass" Ackman, and also have plastic surgery to give him Wolverine sideburns forever.
9. Britney Spears must name her baby Shithead (the redneck equivalent of Apple) - credit to Bill Maher for this one
10. Morgan Freeman must always play God, or the President, or the President of the God.
11. Tom Hanks must act every movie like he's Forrest Gump, and must name his next child Lieutenant Dan.
12. No more commercials at the theatre. This will be replaced a 5 minute clip of Carmen Electra playfully running (in slow motion) in a gentle rain, wearing only white undergarments.
13. Zakk Wylde must be featured on every movie soundtrack from here to the end of time.
14. No more rappers in movies.
15. Bruce Willis must change the name of his final Die Hard film to "Die Hard: Die Already".
That's all for now. If you have any new laws you'd like to see in the movies, please let me know and I'll post 'em for ya.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
Dental Hero
A West Palm Beach man, Roger Bean, was arrested for practicing dentistry out of his house without a license.
Regardless, neighbors and clients praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.
Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal. "He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."
Source
This must be embarrassing for 'licensed' dentists. Really exposes the high priced tooth mason nature of their profession, even though they like to think of themselves as doctors. I hope Mr. Bean isn't punished too severely for helping people but I'm sure the ego wounded dental community would like to see him made an example of.
Regardless, neighbors and clients praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.
Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal. "He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."
Source
This must be embarrassing for 'licensed' dentists. Really exposes the high priced tooth mason nature of their profession, even though they like to think of themselves as doctors. I hope Mr. Bean isn't punished too severely for helping people but I'm sure the ego wounded dental community would like to see him made an example of.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Is Rock & Roll Dead?
Aging redneck-anthem singer Toby Keith announced in a somber voice at his press conference recently that Rock & Roll is dead, but that country remains what it was. He is, sadly, part right. The truth is that mainstream Rock & Roll has been murdered.
Murdered primarily by the corporations (who took over the lion's share of the record labels around the time the CD format came out) and by the broadcasting lobby (who got Washington to pass laws that increased the number of radio stations any one entity could own).
A genuine, authentic rock & roll band is the Black Label Society. They, of course, would never had gotten the exposure they currently enjoy if it wasn't for the fact that Zakk Wylde, leader of the Black Label Society, is Ozzy Osbourne's guitar player.
Very occasionally, a band like the BLS slips through the cracks. But for the most part, the new 'rockers' are wimpy, contrived and watered down versions of real rock bands of the past. I'm sorry, but Fall Out Boy is to AC-DC as a gecko is to a T-Rex.
That being said, ol' Toby is more brain damaged from all that Alabama swish that I thought if he really thinks that country hasn't morphed into something beyond all recognition also (see image below).
Many country bands, including Toby himself, have no real image so they try to have this Skynyrd reject redneck image. It's very lame and part of the reason new country music is so uninspired these past couple of years. If it wasn't for Keith Urban, I don't know what 'new country' cover acts all over North America would be playing at their gigs these days.
At any rate, next time I'll look at whether rock is really dead. Have a great day.
Murdered primarily by the corporations (who took over the lion's share of the record labels around the time the CD format came out) and by the broadcasting lobby (who got Washington to pass laws that increased the number of radio stations any one entity could own).
A genuine, authentic rock & roll band is the Black Label Society. They, of course, would never had gotten the exposure they currently enjoy if it wasn't for the fact that Zakk Wylde, leader of the Black Label Society, is Ozzy Osbourne's guitar player.
Very occasionally, a band like the BLS slips through the cracks. But for the most part, the new 'rockers' are wimpy, contrived and watered down versions of real rock bands of the past. I'm sorry, but Fall Out Boy is to AC-DC as a gecko is to a T-Rex.
That being said, ol' Toby is more brain damaged from all that Alabama swish that I thought if he really thinks that country hasn't morphed into something beyond all recognition also (see image below).
Many country bands, including Toby himself, have no real image so they try to have this Skynyrd reject redneck image. It's very lame and part of the reason new country music is so uninspired these past couple of years. If it wasn't for Keith Urban, I don't know what 'new country' cover acts all over North America would be playing at their gigs these days.
At any rate, next time I'll look at whether rock is really dead. Have a great day.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Short 'n sweet
The first online sales of Beautiful Illusion came by way of Florida, U.S.A. You know, all that dangling chad bullshit aside, I'm really starting to love Florida. :)
Mike Keneally, Black Label Society (Zakk Wylde's band) and Pablo are my latest Myspace friends.
Mike Keneally, Black Label Society (Zakk Wylde's band) and Pablo are my latest Myspace friends.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
CD Baby and Beautiful E-llusion
My first full length studio release Beautiful Illusion is available on CD Baby. We're working on making it available on iTunes as well.
The Official Beautiful E-llusion Newsletter also went out this week. If you'd like to sign up for this always free, always amusing, very occasional email, visit my website and click on the newsletter link in the top right hand menu.
Below is the Creative Advisory I legally had to place on the CD due to it's muchly oozing of the creative geniusness. :)
The Official Beautiful E-llusion Newsletter also went out this week. If you'd like to sign up for this always free, always amusing, very occasional email, visit my website and click on the newsletter link in the top right hand menu.
Below is the Creative Advisory I legally had to place on the CD due to it's muchly oozing of the creative geniusness. :)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Turtle Love
Near the end of this short clip of Turtle Love, listen to the sound the male turtle is making. Funny stuff! :)
Click Here For Turtle Love
Click Here For Turtle Love
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
The Unveiling
While the site itself is still under construction, the redesign of pedrofernandez.org version 2 is now online! Go see it!
This used to be the home of The Second Coming project. That site (and other tasty treats) will be available from the new site as well. Pedrofernandez.org is going to be the main portfolio site for all my projects, creative and otherwise.
This used to be the home of The Second Coming project. That site (and other tasty treats) will be available from the new site as well. Pedrofernandez.org is going to be the main portfolio site for all my projects, creative and otherwise.
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